Loving God

"We love because He first loved us." So, before I can learn to love others, or even love myself, I must know how to love God. But what does it mean to love God?

Does it mean that I should give God money, like tithe to church, or donate to good causes? Does it mean that I should spend hours and hours at church, reading the Bible, or praying? Perhaps it's a little bit of both these things, but most of all, I believe that loving God means to revere Him and His word, and to cultivate a humble heart: "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at My Word."

Honestly, I haven't been loving God much; I haven't been humble, because I've been too busy being bitter and upset at life. I'm too tired and too angry to love. I'm frustrated because it seems like no matter how hard I try to "do good" in this fallen world, things will still be broken, people will still be hurting, and bad things will still keep happening.

But recently, I realized that God didn't design us for to be a fixer of things. Rather, He designed us to worship Him, He calls us to trust Him, He wants us to love Him. When we learn "to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength," and focus to on that first, we will naturally know how to love others, because it will be an outflow from our hearts, rather than a striving that we try in vain to push ourselves to do.

So I pray that God will remind me to love Him first, even if I don't feel like it. I must persevere in faith. "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

I believe that when we choose to trust in God, and believe in His goodness, despite our external circumstances, that is when we are loving God. May God help me to love Him more!

#2-3 Why do we love?

Here I am catching up on my posts! During these two days, showing love was more difficult than I had imagined. It's not easy to show love when you are tired, hungry, grumpy or stressed. I was feeling all four of these emotions while traveling from Teman Negara to KL, then to Meleka in one day, then from Meleka to KL the next. Buses were late, my flight delayed- I was growing impatient and grouchy! While waiting for the bus for 30 minutes, my mind was clouded with so many negative and critical thoughts.

I was reminded of Philippians 2:14 "Do everything without complaining or arguing." I had this verse on the top right corner of my bulletin board in my classroom and I had my kids memorize it on the first day of school. Whenever somebody complains loudly, I don't say anything back...instead I just point to the verse and smile as a friendly reminder. It's funny watching kids silently direct each other to the verse. This time, I felt God "pointing" to the verse, showing me that I needed to "walk the talk."

So when I finally get on the plane, I felt somebody behind me kicking my chair. I thought it was a child, but it was actually a plus size, tall man, who really needed his leg space.
There was a lady sitting next to me who had no sense of personal space. She was either unaware or didn't care that she kept shoving me in the arm while going through her purse. She then decided that it would be a good idea to take off her sandals and put her bare feet on the seat. At that point, I prayed "Dear God, I really need patience." The lady had to fill out her HK arrival card and she asked me for a pen. I had a pen in my backpack and I really didn't feel like digging it out. I hesitated for a bit. I wasn't feeling loving at all and I was tempted to just say "no" and save myself the hassle. I gave her my pen and she returned it with a polite thankyou.

I think God is challenging me to humble myself.. put away my pride and self-ambition.
I hate to admit this, but I have naively thought to myself, " Why should I keep loving those who show no appreciation or don't show any love back? It's so exhausting!"
That's evidence for my selfish motives and that "me, me, me"-obsessed mentality.
Love is not self-seeking. When you are tuly loving someone, you give freely with no strings attached. There's no calculating what the other person owes you or what you deserve, because love is about serving other people and their needs, not your own.

We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19.